Prophets of the Apocalypse

Our Methodology

We use a combination of ancient runes, tarot cards, and our collective gut feelings to predict the most likely outcomes for your future. Our team of expert prophets has decades of experience in getting it wrong.

Our services include:

Short term weather forecasting (guaranteed to be wrong)
Long term weather forecasting (even more wrong, but with more dramatic flair)
Personal horoscopes (because who doesn't love a good 'you're going to die tomorrow' message)

Don't wait any longer, contact us today to schedule your consultation with one of our prophets!

Learn more about our team Read our most epic failures

Prophet Profile

Baba the Unyielding: Our resident expert in 'I told you so' syndrome. With 10 years of experience in predicting the apocalypse, Baba has yet to be wrong (about anything)

Click here to read more: Baba's Bio

Prophets of the Apocalypse: The Most Unreliable Forecasters in the Land

Our Methodology

Prophet Profile